Humility

My hair is falling out.

I knew it was going to happen.  I even had my hair cut really really short two weeks ago to lessen the impact.  Maybe I thought that with it that short, I wouldn't notice it coming out.  But last night big clumps came out by the handful.  I was horrified!  Somehow I imagined the hairs would come out little by little, not all in big clumps.  But when they come out by the handful, you can't help but notice.  It's like watching your toes fall off, one by one.

I realized that cutting my hair short wasn't proactive enough.  And there was no way I wanted to watch it fall out by clumps.  Besides, having hair everywhere would be really annoying.   So yesterday I had my head completely shaved, as close as could be done.  Basically down to my scalp.  Before my haircutter got started, I pulled out a clump to show her and she started to cry.  Poor thing, I didn't mean to upset her.  She probably envisioned the horrors of losing her own long, thick, and lovely hair. 

I don't have a lot of ego around my hair anymore.  Or so I thought.  I've had it short about 6 months and love it that way.  But there's something about losing what keeps your head warm, something that gives your unique identity, and losing what you're used to looking at in the mirror and fussing with your whole life that's upsetting.

I got over it pretty quick though.  As long as I didn't look in the mirror!

Before.  First attempt to
minimize hair loss.

After.  Did you really think
I was going to expose my
bald head here?  Maybe
next time.....

 Two things I notice now.  My head is cold.  So a new collection of beanies and hats are on the menu.  And there was a hard stiff teeny stubble close to my head that felt like sandpaper. That must be what day-old beards feel like.

So next step -- shave my head with a razor smooth down to the skin.  Could I do that?  Another new skill I never thought I'd need to learn. But I'd shaved my legs for 50 some years so I gave it a go.  It wasn't that hard, although it took a couple days to practice and get rid of the sandpaper stubble.  I can now put lotion on my  skinhead!

I'd always wondered how Buddhist nuns and monks felt when they got their heads shaved.  Now I know what it feels like.  It's very humbling.  To not have that stuff on your head that partly gives your identity.  I also realized I had just answered one of life's biggest questions that all of us, men and women, ask ourselves every day of our lives.

How does my hair look?

With no hair at all, that question is now fully answered.  As Janice Joplin sings:  freedom's just another word for...nothing left to lose.  It's kinda that way with hair I think.  And it's very freeing. I no longer have to spend one ounce of energy toward wondering how my hair looks, and I can do other things instead.  There's also no longer time needed to dry my hair.  So I'm seeing lots of advantages to this new situation.  And I'm starting to rather like it!

Other silver linings.  I handled the first round of chemo 3 weeks ago fairly well -- only one day of nausea after.  I attribute this to the three days of fasting I did before and during.  I'll talk more about this important strategy in future posts.  Basically, fasting puts normal cells into protective mode, a kind of hibernation.  Because few nutrients are coming in, normal cells start prioritizing functions and shut down a bit until food starts coming in again.  This is an instinctual process that we humans have had since Day 1 because early on food intake was never reliable or guaranteed.

Cancer cells however do not have that inherent mechanism so the chemo drugs affect them much more -- they're not in protective mode.  So my normal cells get by with less side effects.  I love this!

What I didn't handle well was the shot they give me a week after to stimulate white blood cells to grow back faster.  Bone pain is a common side effect from this drug, and for me, two weeks of intense bone pain ensued.  I thought that was quite excessive!

So I decided I didn't need it and told my oncologist that I refuse to have it again.  Unless my labs show that I need it.  I insist on being treated on a case-by-case basis for what my body needs.  We all should do that!  If I don't ask for what I need, and let my doctors know when things aren't working, then I become a cog in the medical machinery.  And I refuse to be that, ever.  So I actually look forward to the next round of chemo knowing I won't have to go through the bone pain again and might have a more pleasant three weeks.  The severe fatigue is probably unavoidable though.

The upside is that my blood is doing well!  For a blood cancer like lymphoma, there's a lot of attention placed on what's happening in the blood.  There's a fall in everything in your blood after the chemo infusion -- red blood cells, white blood cells, hemoglobin, etc. then they gradually come back up in the following weeks (hopefully).  Mine have.  Just in time to go again.  Next Tuesday.

More new and wonderful things.  On Friday I picked up my new ozone generating equipment, replete with oxygen tank (needed to make the ozone).  Ozone treatments are growing in popularity for cancer treatments (especially outside the U.S. like many things I do -- the U.S. is fairly backward in these things because of it's reliance on big pharma).  Ozone treatments really boost your energy, and have a detrimental effect on cancer cells because they don't like an oxygenated environment.  I'd had ozone treatments several times, and even though I didn't expect much at first, I was astounded at how good I felt the three days after.  There's new research now showing that ozone during chemo treatments can help improve fatigue greatly.  So now I can do the ozone treatments at home and not drive 45 minutes to Roseville.  I can't wait!

Second round of chemo is next Tuesday.  After that, only four more to go!  Please keep me in your prayers.  I appreciate all of them so much.

I would love it if you'd sign up for automatic email updates to this blog, top right above my photo.  Updates will be automatically sent to your email. 

Donations.  Many of you have asked what you can do to help. Most all of the cancer-healing supplements and alternative treatments that help me feel better are not covered by health insurance, sadly, no matter how well they work!  Health expenses are way over and above my monthly resources.  Amazon Gift Cards are so so helpful --  that's where I buy most of the supplements.  To donate an Amazon Gift Card, go to the website below, click on the "Wishlist" to donate an Amazon gift card, of any amount: 

https://www.giveinkind.com/inkinds/X1I4B2H/supporting-adele-sonora

To donate through PayPal, also please go to: 

https://www.giveinkind.com/inkinds/X1I4B2H/supporting-adele-sonora

If you prefer to donate by mail, please contact me for the address.  This would also be so much appreciated. adele72son@gmail.com 

Healing Intentions, Thoughts, Prayers, and Support Needed.  

Thank you all for your healing intentions and thoughts, your emotional support, and your well wishes -- all these I appreciate more than I can ever say.  It means everything to me.  And please feel free to post your comments below. I'd love to hear from you!

 * * * * * * * * *
Thank you so much for reading this blog and passing it along to anyone you feel may be interested. I can feel your support, and I need it!   I'm so aware that I'm not doing this alone. I'm connected to many many others online, in my community, in my family, all my friends.  Where I get the inspiration, information, support, encouragement, and the energy to keep going. 

Latitude

In this update, I was hoping to write how calm and relaxed I've been the past few months.  And how I've managed to keep the cancer somewhat stable with all my strategies.  

But that's not what happened.  

December's PET scan showed the lymphoma had expanded to new and bigger territory.  A clear progression.  Especially to my chest where now the biggest nodes are.  I was surprised, and shocked!  Because from March to June, it had only slightly progressed, then in June I started so many new things that were supposed to help it.  A few of them I had great faith in because I read of others having good results.  Granted, this PET scan covered a much longer time frame -- 6 months of time, not just 3 months -- a long time for even a partly aggressive cancer.  

Emotions were all over the place, as they tend to go from time-to-time with Stage IV.  It was a Macy's parade of happy faces, sad faces, dramatic clowns of every size and shape on parade to show me the folly of having expectations.  In Buddhism, it's the quickest way to suffering.  

Mainly I saw "it's time for chemo"  between all the lines of the scan report.  So after the parade, I put on the Bee Gees song "You Should Be Dancing" and wildly did just that.  I've found this to be a good strategy for whatever life offers up. 

Now, I'm not against chemo.  It's always been part of my larger strategy (if needed) for the type of incurable lymphoma I have.  I walk both worlds. My goal is not to avoid chemo.  My goal is to do whatever needs to be done to help myself -- within the realm of what I am able to do.  A round of chemo cannot cure me, not the cancer I have (relapsed Non-Hodgkin's aggressive follicular lymphoma).  Many Hodgkin's lymphomas can be cured with chemo, but not mine.  And this would be a stronger cocktail than I had 6 years ago.  Much stronger.  That part I dreaded. 

When my oncology naturopath (natural doctor) saw my PET scan, she said:  "Well, it looks like a new game plan is needed."  Okay, yeah.  Obviously.  But she doesn't know what that game plan should be, or even could be.  No one does.  As she so correctly says:  we have no answers, no one knows.  Everyone is different.  What works for one person doesn't work for another.  I can see that now.  That's part of the craziness that comes along with this whole process.  How do I find, and pick, the right thing that will help me?  

This is sweet Jack, 3-months old when
I adopted him in December 

A great new friend for Duckie, who
lost his best friend last August.

One thing I've learned this past year.  All the people who are able to cure cancers with at least partly natural means have one big thing in common.  Cash.  And lots of it.  Few of the pills, potions, and powders (and IV's) are covered by health insurance.  That's okay, I've become very resourceful and have gotten good at learning DIY in the cancer healing world.  One can even make one's own IV Vitamin C bags.  The possibilities are endless.  

Strangely, I was still feeling sort of okay, at least with no B symptoms (fatigue, fevers, night sweats, weight loss).  I could feel my body undergoing some stress, though, with not quite as much energy.  My regular oncologist was still mystified that I wasn't sick (he said:  everyone gets sick!).  But he said I could hold off chemo until I either got sick with B symptoms, or got pain somewhere from the larger lymph nodes pressing on something, or any fluttering in my heart (another big node is now near my heart). 

Well, waiting like that feels to me like standing in the middle of a train track and waiting for the next train to barrel down on me.  Not my style.  I feel better when I can DO something, when I have a plan.  Not a plan for the outcome exactly, (I tried that and expectations only seem to bring disappointment),  No, a plan of movement.  What can I do, give me something to do!  I love having the freedom and latitude with which to look for something useful that might work (albeit less and less time to search).  On the other hand, what do I need to commit to for more welcome results? And how will I find it when there are no answers, and no directions.  And when I don't know who to ask?

For some days, I scratched my brain, pondered wildly, went over what I could do with current strategies to make them more effective (like increase doses that I'd been a little lax on doing).  And then waited for a thunderbolt from heaven.  Some sign to guide me in one direction or another.  

I didn't have long long to wait.  One thing I've learned the past year is that when one asks for help, then opens up to receive it, something usually comes.  And usually in unexpected ways.  

The thunderbolt came.  While researching one of my current supplements, out of the blue I stumbled on another website by a quite brilliant blogger from the Netherlands.  My jaw dropped.  The amount of cancer healing information on this site is mind boggling. And confirms something my functional medicine doctor said (thankfully I have a big team!) -- that the more you learn about what can help heal cancer, the more you discover the information is infinite.  And I agree.  It truly is.  Which is wonderful and overwhelming at the same time.  

This blogger lost his wife to cancer just a few years ago, and he's dedicated himself to sharing what he knows, and is continually learning.  And it's all based on cancer research. His site is populated with people all over the world who are doing what I'm doing outside the box.  Blocking cancer's metabolic nutrients to starve it -- with herbals, repurposed medications, and various potions.

www.cancertreatmentsresearch.com  

But while my mind was busy boggling, the bunch of new large and aggressive nodes (tumors) in my chest started hurting.  Okay, things were moving faster than I'd hoped.    That meant the chemo would need to happen soon.  But it was Christmas week and then New Year's week.   Things at my oncologist's office were moving slow.  Not because they were all on holiday.  Nope -- all the sick people were getting worse, including me.  Funny how that happens over the holidays, I've seen it before.  How can such happy holidays be so stressful and wreak such havoc?  But they do.  And the stress affects our bodies. 

I know that having chemo will bring it's own challenges.  First, it feels like life will come  to a standstill for 3 or 4 months with the fatigue it brings.  And there will be other kinds of "work" to be done during chemo treatments to help myself through it.  I also need to figure out which of my current strategies will be synergistic with it -- a lot of them actually are (like LDN, low-dose naltrexone).  

This would be a stronger chemo than I had in 2014, but I know more now than I did back then on how to help myself get through it.  One really significant thing (based on research) is to fast 36 - 48 hours before the chemo, then 24 hours after.  It minimizes the side effects by protecting healthy cells.  A fasting "mimicking" is fine, which means just eating non-starchy vegs (based on Dr. Valter Longo's research at USC). I'll explain all this more in a future post because it makes me a little happier to have that in my back pocket.  And I've been practicing for a year!  So now I'll need to do it every 3 weeks.   

The other great strategy about having chemo (hey, thinking positive here) is that it will knock back the fast-growing cancer cells.  The cancer "stem" cells remain however (which is why chemo is often not a cure, and the cancer comes back).  But I'll have a clean slate then to focus on knocking out the stem cells with all the other stuff.  

So chemo it is.  Please keep me in your prayers... I'll need all of them.  Thank you so much.

Stay tuned as I share this process in future posts.  I would love it if you'd sign up for automatic email updates to this blog, top right above.  Updates will be automatically sent to your email. 

UPDATE:  I started chemo on January 28th.  I meant to post this update a week before then, but my sweet kitten Jack had an anaphylactic reaction to his rabies shot 3 days before chemo began, and things took off from there with an extra layer of challenge.  He's mostly better now. 


Donations.  Many of you have asked what you can do to help. Most all of the cancer-healing supplements and alternative treatments that help me feel better are not covered by health insurance, sadly, no matter how well they work!  Health expenses are way over and above my monthly resources.  Amazon Gift Cards are so so helpful --  that's where I buy most of the supplements.  To donate an Amazon Gift Card, go to the website below, click on the "Wishlist" to donate an Amazon gift card, of any amount: 

https://www.giveinkind.com/inkinds/X1I4B2H/supporting-adele-sonora

To donate through PayPal, also please go to: 

https://www.giveinkind.com/inkinds/X1I4B2H/supporting-adele-sonora

If you prefer to donate by mail, please contact me for the address.  This would also be so much appreciated. adele72son@gmail.com 

Healing Intentions, Thoughts, Prayers, and Support Needed.  

Thank you all for your healing intentions and thoughts, your emotional support, and your well wishes -- all these I appreciate more than I can ever say.  It means everything to me.  And please feel free to post your comments below. I'd love to hear from you!

 * * * * * * * * *
Thank you so much for reading this blog and passing it along to anyone you feel may be interested. I can feel your support, and I need it!   I'm so aware that I'm not doing this alone. I'm connected to many many others online, in my community, in my family, all my friends.  Where I get the inspiration, information, support, encouragement, and the energy to keep going.